Local party stores thrilled as vigilantes buyout all available Batman costumes

From: Rusty “Scoops” McGraw, thenorthbaybay.ca

NORTH BAY — Perhaps it’s not the economic boom we wanted, but it’s the economic boom we deserved.

Local party supply retailers have rejoiced as the spike in local vigilantes have prompted the would-be self-styled crime fighters to fully flesh out their hero fetishes by way of purchasing every Batman costume available within a 50km radius.

“It’s been incredible!” says Barb Gordons, owner of Party Town. “I can’t order in the new outfits fast enough! You name it: Batman masks, Batman capes, Batarangs, even the muscled-out Batman chest-pieces with the nipples on them– I’m all out!”

Even local thrift shops have seen an increase in sales.

“Is it weird seeing grown-ass adults buy up our hockey pads that are too small for them and spray paint them black in our back-parking lot?” asks Al P. Worthington, Manager at Bargain Village. “Yes, but business has never been better.”

Anonymous Batman

We reached one of North Bay’s masked crusaders to offer us insight into why he was doing this. He agreed to speak with us under the condition of anonymity.

“You know, it’s been a really empowering experience,” says the anonymous masked crusader Richard Graydon. “Patrolling the town, shaking down homeless folks, it’s like I was born for this. Born for JUSTICE.”

When asked if he had any concerns about his personal safety or whether he saw any issues with potentially harming or disrupting the lives of innocent people down on their luck and in need assistance and resources, he responded by repeatedly yelling “I AM THE NIGHT” as he ran out of sight, flapping his cape and making whooshing sounds.

Richard Graydon on patrol at the Cranberry Trail

Local Reactions

Citizen Helena Bayne is a fan of the rise in local community safety action.

“Personally, I think it’s been a blessing for our city. I feel safer already! I can rest easy knowing unqualified adults are running around town in masks protecting us.”

But not everyone is happy with these recent developments.

“Yeah, sure, I used to get woken up by car alarms going off on my street- and yes, I admit, that’s stopped,” says Serena Lyle. “That said, I can’t sleep these days because now I just hear people screaming ‘WHERE ARE THE OTHER DRUGS GOING’ over and over at ALL hours of the night.”

Shad Man could not be reached for comment.

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