The North Bay Bay

From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — North Bayites were met with a surprising image recently – one of a mysterious stream of trails in the sky.  While some people have their theories, the message is clear: aliens do not want to come to North Bay.

“Some people are saying that it’s an airplane, but the picture, when you zoom in, actually looks like a ball,” says local gawker Jay Ritter.

Unidentified Fascinating Object

The aerial sight was first spotted around 5 pm on February 1^st. Since then, North Bay has indulged in wild speculation, but it always comes back to the same thing – aliens.

The North Bay Bay attempted to contact NORAD, who monitors Canadian Airspace at CFB North Bay, but received no reply.

“You won’t hear back from NORAD,” says economist Abram Campbell. “First of all, they don’t want to admit to the public that aliens exist.  Second of all, they don’t want the people of North Bay to know that the aliens were heading over to Sudbury.”

Us vs Them

Long has there been tension between Sudbury and North Bay.

“Every time we wants something, Sudbury gets it,” gripes Jay Ritter. “We want bands to play here – they go to Sudbury.  We want government funding – it goes to Sudbury. We want my girlfriend to stay and commit to a meaningful, long-term relationship – she goes to Sudbury.

But whether it’s a hate for North Bay, or because they’re heading to pick up some new jeans at Old Navy, the message is clear – it was totally aliens and they totally hate North Bay.