City gets its first “toilet paper charter”

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

NORTH BAY — Those looking to find toilet paper in these trying times need look no further than Joe Trenton.

Trenton is the owner and operator of the newly opened “Trenton TP Charters,” a company that helps residents track down toilet paper.

“We load up at 6:30am and are on the road by 7,” explains Joe. “We hit all the usual spots first: FreshCo, Metro, No Frills, Independent, and for those looking for a real challenge, Wal-Mart.”

There, Trenton guides patrons through the process of tracking and snaring “the precious commodity that is toilet tissue.”

“There’s no limit to size or type, so people can take as many as they can carry over the course of the day,” smiles Joe.

“I’ve seen people happy to come back with a couple of six inch double packs, but you know the real anglers are aiming for the fourteen or eighteen inchers – the 24 or 36 packs.”

“Just last week one of my own hooked a 48 pack measuring twenty-two inches and weighing nearly 5 lbs. Got a picture and everything.”

Mayoral Response

Mayor Al McDonald welcomes the new business.

“Well, it’s job growth, I guess,” says McDonald. “Not exactly how I’d want to see it, but growth is growth I suppose.”

Joe Trenton explains that so far, he is the only chartered company focused exclusively on finding bathroom tissue in the city. As business grows he may expand out to neighbouring towns, but for the moment his focus is on North Bay.

“If you want to bring home some TP for your family, then meet me on Airport and hop into my minivan,” says Joe. “I’ve got snacks, drinks, tunes, and good times.”

“Your wife will never be prouder of you than when you come home with a bag full of fresh, wriggling rolls.”

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