From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca intern
NORTH BAY – It may be Oscar season, but North Bay’s local Galaxy Cinemas isn’t feeling a whole lot of movie buzz.
“With the growth of technology in the home, we’ve seen a decline in our theatre audiences across the board” says Galaxy manager Ava Day. “Home theatres are replacing movie theatres just about everywhere.”
“Yes, people are coming out in droves for ‘Black Panther,” but we can’t survive on big movies alone. We need audiences at all our films, and flicks like ‘Shape of Water’ and ‘Lady Bird’ aren’t doing it.”
To bolster ticket sales, Day has come up with her own radical approach.
“We are going to allow talking in movie theatres,” declares Day. “People at home love talking during movies – my husband won’t shut the hell up when I load a movie on Netflix I’ve wanted to see for weeks. So to make our theatres more like your home, people will be allowed (and encouraged) to talk.”
And if people don’t talk during movies?
“We’ll plant a professional ‘Talkie’ in the audience to encourage discussion by randomly starting conversations during the movie. We’ll train them to talk about what’s happening on the screen, what’s happening in the world, and in random, useless trivia knowledge. Like, did you know that Pearl Jam’s original band name was Mookie Blaylock? That’s nuts!”
A Full Experience
“But the fun doesn’t stop there,” reveals Day. “We want to get the whole experience right. Talking during the movies, random phone ringing, even having the simulation of incorrect TV settings!”
“The one thing we are still working on is getting the sound of an upstairs neighbours clomping around right. We’re not quite there yet, but I’m confident it’ll be ready for the summer blockbuster season.”
Galaxy Cinemas will be running periodic trial runs in the upcoming weeks, with plans to have every theatre implement the “all talk, all noise” policy by Canada Day.
“So put on your sweat pants and break out the bacon flavoured chips, you’re going to the movies!”