The Boat hires bouncer to throw customers into Lake Nipissing

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — Don’t rock the boat baby, or you’ll get a visit from Mr. Bradley. Bishop “Two Teeth” Bradley is The Boat’s newest bouncer, but unlike the bouncers of the past he isn’t afraid to throw a man overboard. “Aye,” drawls Bradley, “ye best not be squatting on your […]

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Leaked City Hall doc includes plan to mine uranium, time travel

From: Philip St. George and Rooster Cogburn, thenorthbaybay.ca North Bay City Hall has suspended public meetings following the leak of a document detailing a plan involving uranium and time travel. The 19-page document, entitled “Operation Manitou,” is a complicated strategy penned by at least 3 City Councillors. In it, the writers detail how they plan […]

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Pressure crack consumes The Boat

From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — A pressure crack which had formed off the side of King’s Landing Wharf opened last night and consumed The Boat. The original Chief Commanda sunk suddenly into the icy waters of Lake Nipissing sometime around 1 am today, leaving only the bow visible. Eyewitness Rooster Cogburn was […]

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Chief Commanda hijacking Crimestoppers’ ‘Crime of the Week’

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — The plucky band of North Bay pirates who hijacked the Chief Commanda II and took it onto Lake Nipissing have been given a Crimestoppers ‘Crime of the Week’ award. “Y’har, this here award makes my heart swell,” says current Chief Commanda Captain Bishop ‘Two-Teeth’ Bradley. “Though truth […]

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Council votes to add death laser to roundabout

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff NORTH BAY — City Council voted 8-2 in favour Tuesday evening concerning the addition of a giant death laser to the College Drive roundabout. “I’ve been driving on the roundabout since it opened in 2009,” says Councillor Vic Tikus, “and I’m comfortable with it. Too comfortable. So to shake […]

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