Snakes distraught over the closure of SSS Chalet

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

NORTH BAY — A large group of snakes has come forward to express their disappointment over the closure of “SSS Chalet.”

“I was looking forward to taking the whole family there,” says Ted, a fox snake. “I heard they had a fine selection of dead birds, small mammals, and vintage cabernet sauvignons.”

Fellow snake Basil says he was most looking forward to the ambience.

“As a milk snake, I appreciate a little dark when I’m eating,” smiles Basil. “I heard SSS Chalet had very dim lighting, so I was excited to slither around in there like I do on Wednesday’s at Sobey’s.”

Chalet Owner Responds

Chalet owner Sheldon Haight says he has no idea what anyone is talking about.

“SSS Chalet — what is that?

Haight thinks for a moment.

“Oh, you guys are talking about when some of our brand lights burnt out for a bit,” says Haight. “Well, I’m very happy to tell you that we’ve had them replaced, and we are, as we always were, a Swiss Chalet.”

“Now, are you going to buy some chicken, or…?”

Snakes Still Coming

Fixing a sign hasn’t deterred some of the snakes.

“Oh, I’m still going,” smiles Phineas, a rat snake, “I’ve been looking at the menu and the quarter chicken white meat dinner sounds like an exquisite dish. I’ll be especially grateful if they let me constrict it a bit first – you know, to keep up appearances.”

Phineas says he hopes him and his 15 offspring will be welcome at the Chalet.

“Do you think they’ll let me look around the kitchen?” asks Phineas. “If they have a rat problem, I’d be ever so happy to help with it.”

Haight does not seem keen.

“Absolutely not.”

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