Council Chooses Shrek as West Ferris Mascot

From: Philip St. George and Mr. Wagner,

NORTH BAY — In an attempt to counteract the steady exodus of businesses from the west end of the city, Council adopted a motion Tuesday night to “choose a mascot to be the face of Ferris.”

After some debate, City Council narrowed down the myriad of contenders to two: the iconic North Bay Shadfly, and Shrek.

Ultimately, Shrek won out.

“At first I thought the shadfly was a natural fit,” explains Councillor Grey Terrence. “However, they really enjoying sticking to the well-lit windows of businesses, and West Ferris is kind of running out of those.”

“I think Shrek is the better choice because he is synonymous with swamps, which is still like 50% of Ferris at this point.”

No Unanimous Praise

Not everyone is pleased with the decision to move ahead with the popular animated ogre, including Ferris resident Larry Labreche.

“I was hoping for the ‘West Harris,'” pouts Labreche. “He would be an oversized bobble head version of former premier Mike Harris.”

“But oh, no – we end up with Shrek!” Labreche spits. “That’s PC culture gone mad if you ask me.”

The Cost of Shrek

While there is no word yet on how much licensing the green-skinned ogre will cost the city, Council was quick to set limits on what they would spend.

“We’re talking to DreamWorks now,” says Grey Terrence. “We’ll see what they say, but I want everyone in North Bay to know that we’re only earmarking $10 million for this.”

“$10 million and not one penny more.”

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