School Board organises charity “Cartwheel-A-Thon”

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

The Near North District School Board, the powerhouse education institution who recently ran into some controversy over a proposed cartwheel ban, is changing their stance.

“Sometimes we come across as unkind” explained Manager of Human Resources Marcia Dressgood at the board’s head office Thursday. “But we’re a kind, considerate board!”

“We’ve done a lot of good things for North Bay, and for teachers. For example, did you know we let retired teachers still do supply work? We think it’s great for everyone: it both gives the elderly something to do and teaches new teacher hopefuls about patience and the ultimate futility of chasing their fragile, fragile dreams.”

“And now, we’re reaching our long arms out to the North Bay community!”

Marcia Dressgood, whose entire family also works for the school board, was quick to point out that community work is a big part of education.

“It’s important for everyone who’s not in HR to work within the community.”

The Cartwheel-A-Thon

So what is the Cartwheel-A-Thon?

“It’s very simple” Marcia told The North Bay Bay. “It’s like the Terry Fox Run, but less sad.”

“After their school hours and the mandatory volunteer hours are completed, we’re sending teachers, students, secretaries, librarians, educational assistants and custodians out to get pledges from average, working class North Bayites.”

“No one will be spared.”

Marcia Dressgood explained that for every $2 pledged, someone from the NNDSB will do a cartwheel. The more money raised, the more cartwheels.

“I don’t care if they’re old, or tired, or injured – if they’ve got a pledge, they’re going to be wheeling!”

The goal for the Near North District School Board’s Cartwheel-A-Thon is $10 000, but Dressgood feels they’ll double it.

“If we don’t, I’ll have to make some teacher cuts.”

“So please, please open your hearts and your wallets for the Near North District School Board.”

All proceeds for the NNDSB’s Cartwheel-A-Thon will go towards the board’s plan create a giant Megaschool, no matter what anyone says.

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