Sarge Challenges Friendly the Tiger to a Deathmatch

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY – Perhaps enraged after the playoff defeat of The North Bay Battalion, Sarge has directly challenged the Giant Tiger mascot “Friendly” to a deathmatch.

Battalion public relations officer Jeff Hookram was unable to explain Sarge’s challenge, which was issued with a grainy cellphone video filmed in an alley near Memorial Gardens.

“I want to let everyone know that the words and actions of Sarge are not the express words and actions of The North Bay Battalion,” says Hookram. “Especially that part about the car battery and clamps.”

Hookram could not explain the aim of Sarge’s challenge either.

“I could maybe understand Sarge challenging The Hamilton Bulldog, but a tiger is pretty far from a bulldog,” frowns Hookram. “Sarge has taken a lot of pucks to the head though.”

Challenge Accepted

Betty Vaughan, head of PR at Giant Tiger, said Friendly would not only accept the invitation, but would “disembowel Sarge.”

“Friendly will tear Sarge to pieces,” scoffs Vaughan. “I mean, look at him – Sarge looks like the guy in Robocop that gets splashed with radioactive waste.”

“Tigers have four-inch claws and weigh almost 600 lbs. I don’t care if Sarge spent ten years in a Joint Task Force, nobody can stand up to a full-grown tiger – let alone a full-grown tiger with the intelligence of a man.”

Current odds are –500 for Friendly and +300 for Sarge at Cascades Casino.

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