Santa Places Ontario Northland on “Naughty List”

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY — Santa Claus, the jolly giver of Christmas gifts, has placed Ontario Northland on his “Naughty List.”

“I’m deeply saddened to hear that Ontario Northland has cancelled the Christmas Train this year,” announced Claus Wednesday afternoon. “That train has brought so many smiles to good girls and boys in North Bay and the surrounding area.”

“So it is with a heavy heart that I have to place all of Ontario Northland on my ‘Naughty List.’”

Ontario Northland responded to Claus’ announcement on Wednesday evening by doubling down on their decision to cancel the Christmas Train.

“Unlike Mr. Claus,” sneered Managing Director Noella Reeves, “Ontario Northland’s passenger rail service does not run on free, elfin slave labour.”

“We keep our elf slaves in the shops because their hands are small and are good for unjamming the machines.”


Santa Claus took to Twitter later Wednesday evening to reiterate that despite Reeves’ response, he would not remove Ontario Northland from his Naughty List.

“Noella doesn’t deserve her name,” reads Claus’s tweet, “and I can tell you this isn’t her 1st time being on the ‘Naughty List.’ #hohoho if you know what I mean.”

“Sad she has to take down the whole of ON with her,” reads a second tweet. “Guess what you’re all getting for Christmas? #coalfornorthland”

Reeves has yet to respond, but her assistant did relay that Reeves had taken an extended holiday to travel north.

“I guess she wanted to see Jolly St. Nick herself,” says Reeves assistant. “Whatever her plans are, she’s sure not taking the train there.”

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