Raccoons impatiently waiting to reclaim Main St.

From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — Over the last three weeks, human activity has been effectively altered worldwide. Around the globe, towns and cities are experiencing reduced pollution, reduced noise, and reduced ambient seismic activity.

But those are all things that Main St. North Bay has yet to experience because Main St. North Bay is still absolutely bustling.

This willful disdain for any attempt made to stay off the streets and keep social distancing a priority have angered those who are self-isolating; but worse, it has angered the local wildlife.

“Clearly our local animal population sees these reclamations happening around the world,” says Wildlife Expert Jeff Edison, “and then they look here and see people standing shoulder-to-shoulder and walking up and down Main St.”

“The local North Bay raccoon population is waiting to reclaim the downtown, but for that to happen the people there would actually have to stay home and social distance.”

“I don’t see that happening anytime soon, and I think the raccoons realize that.”

Raccoon Mobilization

Over the last week, Edison has seen the local wildlife population gathering.

“They really need this – the raccoons in particular. So they’re gathering to strategize. I’ve heard reports of 500 or more raccoons meeting off of Oak St. late at night.”

Edison says that the raccoons have been patient, but that patience is at an end.

“If the local population doesn’t take over the downtown soon it could kill all raccoon morale. I cannot see them letting that happen, so it’s really only a matter of time before they try to reclaim it.”

Edison frowns. He shakes his head.

“It’s simple, really: save the raccoons by staying home, thus letting them take over the downtown. Why is it so hard for people to understand? Do they want to fight 500 raccoons?”

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