From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — The North Bay Police, in cooperation with Ministry of Natural Resources, have busted an illegal raccoon fighting ring in North Bay.
“Yes, I can confirm that the NBPS have disrupted an extensive raccoon fighting league,” announced North Bay Police Sergeant Jeanette Lawrence Monday morning. “I would like to thank the MNR for their help, along with those who came forward to share information with us.”
The raccoon fighting ring, which called itself “Coon Clashes,” hosted anywhere from 3 to 10 raccoon fights a week, says Lawrence.
“They did everything from one-on-one fights to ‘battle royals’ where 8 or more raccoons would duke it out for the title of ‘Raccoon King.'”
“The ‘Raccoon King’ would be given extra peanut butter balls.”
Informant to Thank
Of particular help was former “Coon Clashes” member Landon Green.
“At some point I realized I just couldn’t do it anymore,” says Green. “Watching so many raccoons pummel each other took a toll on me. I had to get out.”
Green’s information was the catalyst for bringing the ring down.
“They give some of them knives,” says Green. “I saw one raccoon that went thirteen rounds with a pair of brass knuckles.”
An “Incredibly Developed” League
Sergeant Lawrence says she has never seen an illegal fight league as “incredibly developed as this one.”
“They had names for all the raccoons. The reigning champ was ‘Whacker Racc,’ but there was The Rac-goon, Raccoon Diaz, Conquercoon, George Cooney, Jack Racc and one just called ‘Bob.”
“Apparently Bob was too dangerous to put in the ring.”
Each raccoon had its own entrance music, mini-pyrotechnic show, and trainer.
Adopt a Raccoon
Since its shut down, 40 raccoons in 6 different weight classes have been sent to The North Bay Humane Society and to Sudbury. All the raccoons will soon be up for adoption.
Those looking to help give a raccoon a home are encouraged to contact The North Bay Humane Society, though Lawrence warns that raccoons can often prove difficult pets.
“Especially these ones. I mean, you’ll have to decide for yourself whether you want an animal that has a ‘Killer Racc’ tattoo on its chest.”
For the man who reported this evil doing..ahuge thank you to the officers who dealt with this…thankyou and god bless you all
They have been trained to fight and kill….adoption should be out of the question….are you all crazy…wtf
Seriously ? Like wtf??
Lol i heard it all now omfg! some people man poor racoons
Whoever wrote this rticle should win an award.
…what did I just read…
BaHahahahaha I bet it’s birch kids. “No daddy lane” as my mother puts it. Great work officers. They all need to be put in big boy jail to see what fighting really is about. I bet they won’t be a raccoon clan after that! Lol
Wow…just wow…i have no words…i knew north bay had strange shit go down but this takes the cake for sure
I hope they do not turn to Beaver Brawling. I have seen a few go at it back in the day in the mud. They can be quite aggressive and territorial.
Really as doon as they smell peanut butter they will attack since when we could add up raccoons here in Ontario Canada holy release them in the wild are you guys nuts
This is the greatest thing I have read this week..
is this a joke?
This is hilarious. I know it is a joke article but it is genius. So funny.
Pure genius. Made many people laugh. Good job. Spoof articles are the best.
Outstanding! North Bay really has it all.
I know someone who will take all these ornery beasts, and rehabilitate them into society. They they don’t know about this, but they like surprises. Pm me for the address, key to the backdoor is under the Madonna.
Lol, this was perfect with my morning coffee. Great writing
They may have shut this location down…… they will never stop underground raccoon fight clubs !!!!
Next week
Coonzilla vs coonesaurus
I heard the president of the RFL (Raccoon Fighting League) is Cyril Snear and has allegedly left the country. North Bay Police are talking with INTERPOL trying to have him returned for questioning.
I hope Donald does not see this. He will want to send in the Marines to protect the poor Raccoons from such a horrible life. Or maybe he will want to train the Raccoons to fight his battles for him.
I couldn’t stop laughing after reading some of the comments. They are more humorous than the article. I find it hard to fathom there are people so dumb they think this is real news?!! ???
This is funny . . .
Adopt a raccoon – wtf !
In the city or the country, their a damn nuisance. Can’t clean up after themselves, coon shit all over my balcony – wtf !
I wonder what they taste like ?
They keep shitting on my balcony, I’ll be finding out quick ! !
To all the Raloons that read and actually believe this u r fuked
Put those guys in a real “Hunger Games” and let them work out who gets to go to prison for life as the winner. Raccoons are wonderful, intelligent little animals when given the chance to display what they’re capable of. I have 11 of them as un-caged, wild, free to live where they want pets. They get food and water every day and they never fail to amuse me and make me smile.
The best fighter I submitted had rabies…he did not last long but, holy moly…i made a pile of loot with that guy! Hey, did I hear someone was starting a tournament in Beaver brawling…if so, I am all in9!
Bob for President.
I’ll adopt Rocket. I need a set of weapons made from a glass eye and a couple capacitors.
Is this real!,,
whoever wrote this article is fucking amazing.
ps I call dibs on bob.
How can u be stupid enough to adopt a wild animal by law it’s illegal to even adopt
How can u be stupid enough to adopt a wild animal by law it’s illegal to even adopt
Don’t steal my movie idea
Crazy how some people would believe this
First rule of raccoon fight club!!!!
And it’s not even April 1
Lmao at Ron’s comment …. do you really want to know what racoon shit tastes like? ?
The Beaverton has made its way to North Bay. Bravo. I love my country.
How do you get away with publishing this stuff? Some people obviously got take in. What a waste of time!
Good grief people it is parody
That was well written. You’ve managed to capture the facts while blurring the lines between gruesome and goofy.
Police uncover illegal raccoon fighting ring! Thank goodness! These unsanctioned organizations undermine the legitimacy of the legal raccoon fighting clubs.
Parody at its finest! Thanks for the entertainment.
Woop!
Love it…. hats for everyone
Coonan, what is best in life?
Lmao
I am Team Bob. All the way.