Quints Museum to be launched into space

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

After months of speculation as to where the Quint Museum would end up, a representative of city council announced today it was heading to space.

“The special review committee established by North Bay City Council has made the recommendation to strap the entirety of the Quint Museum to a rocket and launch it into orbit” declared the Council. “The museum will be a great addition to the unexplored cosmos. Maybe attracting visitors like the International Space Station, or the MIR. The MIR’s still up there, right?”

April Consensus 

In April, a consensus was reached to move the beleaguered Museum to a spot near the Discovery North Bay Museum, but this was overturned last month when it was revealed that the Discovery North Bay Museum would be moving to an undisclosed location and would not be leaving a forwarding address.

An unnamed and underpaid museum curator was quoted as saying: “we really want to put the “Discovery” back into the Museum, so we’re moving the whole thing somewhere where you all can’t find it.”

New exhibits would include a collection of locally made teddy-bears, a full-sized locomotive made entirely of popsicle sticks, and a giant death laser.

Ominously stroking the death laser, the museum curator offered up “good luck, North Bay!” with a final, mischievous wink.

Friends of the Museum

Jeremy Stickler, a prominent member of the “Friends of the Dionne Quintuplets Home Museum” was outraged by the news.

“Why are we launching it into space?!” he screamed. “It doesn’t make any sense at all!”

Susan O’Neill, a nearby member of the Friends who had been attracted by Fournier’s horrifying screams, offered up an alternative.

“Why not aim it at a planet?” she asked. “The Quints are an integral part of our heritage, and future extraterrestrial generations could learn more about the Quints on the red, acidic sands of Mars. I’m sure there’d be someone up there who would be happy to learn about this depressing part of our history.”

From the Mayor

Meanwhile, Mayor Al McDonald was confident the plan would move forward.

“I’ve got people at Canadore working on the rocket right now.” McDonald said. “And who knows? If this works out, just think of what we can shoot up there!”

When pressed, McDonald said he had a few ideas.

“I’m thinking we could put a Tim Horton’s up with the International Space Station. Or maybe, just for fun, we could fire that house on Cassell’s up near the MIR.”

“The MIR’s still up there, right?”

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