Talent-stuffed “Quarantune Festival” sudden reminder that you never learned to play an instrument

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — 101.9 Rock’s “Quarantune Music and Comedy Fest” saw performances by Rose-Erin Stokes, Holly Cunningham, Cory Marks, Cole Fournier, Leigh Kitlar, Shawn Fisher and a litany of other highly talented musicians and comedians in support of The North Bay Food Bank.

A success, the 3 day online festival raised over $4500 for the Food Bank, while simultaneously reminding everyone else in North Bay that they’re a whole lot less talented than they thought.

“You know, I bought a guitar back in 2010,” frowns North Bayite Dustin Hobbes. “I learned one Johnny Cash tune but it hurt my fingers so I stuffed it in a closet.”

“Never thought of it until last night when I watched David Dino White play an acoustic version of Billy Joel’s ‘It’s My Life’ and I won’t lie – it sort of crushed me.”

Hobbes lets out a long sigh.

“Great job Dave – you both nailed the song and sent me into this dark, spiraling introspection about my lifelong failure to challenge myself artistically.”

Dozens of Others

Dustin Hobbes isn’t the only one.

“I always felt I was kind of funny,” says resident Tricia Kemp. “After seeing comedian Ryan Horwood tear the [digital] house down, I realized I had a choice: either step up and write some material, or step down and get out of the way.”

“So today it’s just me, this family-sized bag of Cadbury Eggs, and 8 straight hours of Tiger King.”

Pick Up the Sticks

Across the city, North Bay residents are eyeing unused instruments and remembering half-written jokes with unease.

“I paid $800 for this drum kit in December of 2016,” says citizen Stewart Rake, “and all I can play is the fill from ‘In the Air Tonight.’”

“You know what? Screw it! I’m going to learn to drum! I bought these here drums and I should use them. Thanks Quarantune – you’ve inspired me!”

Rake scoops up his drum sticks and sits behind his kit.

“I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life. Oh Lord.”

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