North Bay Pride March fails to turn violent, hurt anybody

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

NORTH BAY — For the 7th consecutive year, the North Bay Pride March has failed to turn violent.

The Pride March missed several golden opportunities to ostracize, demean or physically assault others because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

But marcher Aubrey Hollands says that doesn’t mean no one was hurt.

“No, I wouldn’t say we didn’t bother anyone,” says Hollands. “Because there seems to be a whole lot of salty people online.”

“But they can stay behind their keyboards and rant away, ’cause this march is so damn hot it’s gonna melt every last one of those snowflakes!”

March Kept Failing to Shame People

The Pride March attracted over 500 people, who travelled from City Hall to the Waterfront Bandshell. Despite having superior numbers, marchers continuously failed to shame anyone over anything.

“I mean, I saw a dude standing by The Moose that was definitely straight, or at least bi” says attendee Roxanne Adams. “Like, t-shirt with a girl in a bikini on it, arm around a member of the opposite sex, the whole thing. We all waved and invited both of them to join in. Doing anything else would have just made us shitty human beings, I think.”

The March concluded with a community picnic at the waterfront, during which hundreds of people identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, straight, transgender, transsexual, queer, asexual, pansexual or two-spirited did such horrible things as throw frisbees, eat hotdogs, and have a pretty good time.

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