PPC Proposes Time Machine to Fully Realize Plan to Stay in the Past

From: Josie Beamish, thenorthbaybay.ca

NORTH BAY — Local PPC Candidate Greg Galante recently floated a potential solution to the critique that his party is “stuck in the past.”

“We can’t be stuck in the past if we ARE the past!” reads a hastily assembled brochure from Galante.

“Let’s go back to a time when the only problems we had were the ones we could actually see in front of us. That means no more COVID, no more VACCINES, and no more RACISM!”

Timely Details

The brochure explains the “manifold benefits” of a time machine and why the PPC wants to go back to 1954.

“Clean air! Cheap Housing! Wives in the kitchen! No queers or socialists! Polio vaccines aren’t out yet!”

Absent is a section on how the time travel technology will be paid for and how it will work.

PPC Power

Time travel, while theoretically possible, has long been a pipe dream for many scientists – the main hurdle being the massive amounts of energy needed to power such a machine.

But Greg Galante has that covered.

“We have a large energy sector that has been hackneyed by the Paris Accord in the name of ‘a clean environment’” says Galante. “I propose – with the removal of Canada from the Paris Accord – that we funnel all of our energy into the new PPC time machine.”

“Some of the country may experience blackouts, but that’s a sacrifice I’m ok with making.”

Whether or not this new strategy will be adopted by the PPC at the federal level has yet to be decided. Recent Google Search Trends for the area have shown an uptick in searches for used DeLoreans, but the correlation with Mr. Galante’s proposal has yet to be properly established.

We contacted Greg Galante’s office in order to ask why he’s suddenly ready to trust theoretical physicists and not epidemiologists but received no reply.

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