Fedeli confirms “undying” hatred for orange soda

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — “Orange Crush,” the popular soft drink found throughout Canada, does not have a fan in Vic Fedeli.

Standing outside City Hall this morning, Fedeli spoke to reporters about his pure, “undying” hatred for the pop.

“No Orange Crush!” yelled Fedeli. “Not now, not ever. I don’t want to hear anything about it. Ontarians don’t want to hear anything about it. Orange Crush is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone, ever.”

The carbonated, orange-coloured pop was created in 1911 by Canadian chemist Neil C. Ward. Early in its history the soda contained actual orange pulp, though this was added after its production to give it a more “authentic” orange feel.

“I like the colour blue,” continued a noticeably disheveled Fedeli. “I like the colour yellow. Blue, and yellow. Put them together and what do you get?”

Fedeli turned a watering, beady eye to those around him.

“Huh? HUH?

“I’ll tell you. The answer is – not Orange!”

Loose Connections

Coincidentally, “Orange Crush” is also a term used when the NDP win a provincial election, which might be what Fedeli is really talking about. But since that’s not very fun, we’re hoping that this “Orange Crush” soda spin sells some papers before Doug Ford cuts all of the media’s funding and we all have to get “real” jobs.

Fedeli concluded his speech by falling to his knees, arms raised, and screaming:


He is still there as of this posting.

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