From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — Having published no less than 4 articles in 3 days about the right–wing “United We Roll” convoy, The North Bay Nugget has decided to start their own convoy.
“Well, we saw what the ‘United We Roll’ convoy was doing,” explains Nugget writer Pete Hunter. “We noted how successful it has been in raising money and so we thought ‘Hell, we could do that!'”
The ‘United We Roll’ convoy (which wants to remind you that it is not in any way associated, at all, ever, with the Yellow Vest Movement) has a GoFundMe page with over $86 000 in donations.
“The great thing about GoFundMe is there’s no way to track where and what donations are spent on,” says Hunter. “Like, they could literally use that money on crack, and nobody would know. It’s not like they have to show anyone receipts.”
“So why should they get all the money?” breathes Hunter. “What if we want some crack?”
Hunter explains how publishing a fair, balanced local newspaper no longer pays.
“Unabashedly writing and publishing letters and articles supporting right wing ideologies has been giving us tons of ad revenue. So we talked among ourselves and decided to start our own convoy to report on!”
“It’s brilliant, really. We’ll get some sweet, tax-free GoFundMe money from supporters who hate anything Liberal AND we’ll be able to report on our own convoy.”
The Nugget convoy will be made up of half a dozen cube vans which will hurl Saturday editions of the Nugget out at every stop.
“Everyone is going to get a Nugget, whether they want it or not.”
“And remember: if they don’t, they’re either commies and/or liberals.”