North Bay to introduce its own Daylight Saving Time

From: Darren D. MacDonald, staff

NORTH BAY — Daylight Saving Time was introduced in the late 1800’s and has been a pain in the ass ever since. Ottawa West-Nepean MPP Jeremy Roberts recently introduced Bill 214 – The Time Amendment Act, which would keep Ontario on Daylight Saving Time and do away with the outdated practice of moving clocks forward and backward.

“Many believe that Daylight Savings Time was introduced to help on farms,” explains North Bay City Mayor Al McDonald, “but cows can’t read clocks.”

Mayor McDonald is introducing a new Daylight Saving Time specifically for North Bay which he has named “Daylight Saving Time 2: Redemption.”

With “Daylight Saving Time 2: Redemption,” instead of changing the clock bi-annually (or not at all), North Bay will instead have an ever-changing time that will always see 7 am occur exactly when the sun rises.

“This is going to be nothing but good news for North Bay,” smiles McDonald. “A 7 am sunrise is the perfect time!  People are healthier both physically and mentally when exposed to natural sunlight, and folks spend more money during the daytime. So it’s win-win!”

“Really, I owe it to North Bay. If I didn’t do this, it would be like me taking money out your pocket and just throwing it away. Which I can’t do, and I know that because I tried once and the guy got really angry.”

The Deets

On November 1st at 2 am, North Bay Baes will be expected to turn their clocks back 59 minutes. On November 2nd, the clocks go back 2 minutes and on the 3rd, 1 minute. 

Citizens are expected to do this until the heat death of the universe, or until the raccoons finally take over the city core.

“To help, we will be firing the city cannons into the sky at 7 am DST2:R time to make sure that people are up and ready to spend money… er, I mean, ready to live a healthy life.”

North Bay City Hall has posted to their official Facebook account a “Simple and Helpful” time adjustment schedule, and McDonald is “optimistic” about the new plan.

“I’m confident it will work,” says McDonald. “But if it doesn’t, I’ve already drafted up the next one: ‘Daylight Saving Time 3: Back in the Habit.’”

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