North Bay To Get New “XTreme Roundabouts”

From: Darren D. MacDonald, staff

NORTH BAY – The installation of a second and third roundabout in North Bay has again given rise to a debate about the practicality and cost of adding more traffic circles to the city.

But City Councillor Vic Tikus has no time for debates. Rather, he has a “wonderful idea” all his own:

XTreme Roundabouts!

“If roundabouts lessen the danger,” smiles Tikus. “Then that just gives us the wiggle room we need to make it more dangerous!”

Tikus’s XTreme Roundabouts will work just like normal roundabouts – but with the important distinction that the minimum speed limit will be 80km/h and each one will be the size of a small racetrack.

While multiple laps aren’t mandatory, they are “heavily encouraged” says Tikus.

Racing Roundabouts

“Just picture it now; a smooth way to manage traffic control, the smell of burning rubber, and a vendor selling hotdogs in the stands,” beams Tikus. “One person’s morning commute is another person’s motorsport!”

Some are concerned about the unneeded danger that this will bring to North Bay, but councillor Tikus assures the city that he thinks those against are “dweebs.”

“Yeah, those opposed are a total bunch of squares,” frowns Tikus as he squeezes into a 1977 Ferrari 250 GTO. “See you on the XTreme Roundabout dorks. Bring your pink slips.”

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