From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — The Sports Hall of Fame is expanding its horizons.
Having added two new sport categories – pole dancing and coupon shopping – the North Bay HoF is now inducting local athletes Barbara Weathers, Judith Lowe, and “Vixen.”
“Barbara Weathers and Judith Lowe have exemplified the modern competitive sport that is coupon shopping,” explains Hall of Fame operator Robert Tatum. “And while it’s rare for two athletes that compete directly against each other to be inducted at the same time, we couldn’t refuse this 2-for-1 deal.”
Elsewhere, North Bay is also welcoming local pole dancer “Vixen” to the Hall of Fame.
“Vixen is an incredible athlete,” says Tatum. “She was a track all-star in high school, a college volleyball player, and is now an incredible talented pole dancer.”
“Vixen might be young, but she’s the best I’ve ever seen,” continues Tatum. “She’s like a bikini-clad spider monkey. North Bay should be proud to welcome her.”
Tatum recognizes that some might criticize the North Bay Sports Hall of Fame for introducing coupon shopping and pole dancing.
“They’ll say they’re not sports, I suspect,” smiles Tatum. “But if we’re going to include golf, darts, bowling, floor hockey, trap shooting, skeet shooting, rugger, auto racing, performance rally driving, strength training, weightlifting, powerlifting, and ultimate frisbee as sports, then why not these?”
Tatum also recognizes that the selection of Weathers, Lowe, and Vixen over other deserving athletes might upset some in the city.
“Let me assure you that these are the finest sports competitors that North Bay has to offer. I checked them all out myself. Particularly Vixen.”
What about the recently featured wrestler Lance Storm?
“Lance Storm?!” spits Tatum. “He doesn’t deserve to be here! Pro wrestling isn’t a sport!”
Tatum angrily begins shuffling out of the room.
“Now if you’re done insulting me, I’m off to play some broomball.”