North Bay Council totally unprepared for Stage 3

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

Premier Doug Ford has announced Ontario will move forward to Stage 3 beginning Friday, and North Bay’s City Council is terrified.

“It took us almost 2 months to get past Stage 1!” yells an overwhelmed Mike Anthony. “We spent weeks trying to figure out how to get past the pits, and then even more time sorting out what the pipes do.”

“Did you know you can hold the B Button to go faster?”

Council’s copy of Super Mario 3 has been travelling around to each Councillor during quarantine.

“Scott Robertson claims he got all the way to Stage 6, but I don’t believe him,” says Councillor Vresbosch. “Who’s ever heard of an ice level?!”

With Ford’s announcement, Stage 3 now looms over Council.

“It’s totally unfair of the Premier to expect us to get to Stage 3,” laments Chris Mayne. “I’ve heard there’s turtles there and that they throw boomerangs. BOOMERANGS!”

Elsewhere, Sudbury’s City Council has moved well past Stage 3.

“Bunch of North Bay losers,” says Sudbury Councillor Mike Jukabo. “We’re already at the castle and were this close to figuring out how to fly.”

“We’ll have that princess back by Christmas.”

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