North Bay to stop all snow removal

From: Darren D. MacDonald,

NORTH BAY — The new North Bay City Council has set rules on how snow will be cleared from roads.

Councillor Grey Terrence, Chair of Engineering, Public Works and Environmental Services, issued a news release early Tuesday morning entitled “When It Snows (Every Man, Woman and Child for Themselves).”

“In previous years North Bay has had issues with snow removal,” reads the release. “Many towns in the north deals with these issues – they are not unique to North Bay.”

“Thunder Bay has been playing with many ideas, but I am proud to announce that North Bay will be the first to act: therefore, as of now, North Bay will no longer clear any snow off the roads.”

“Instead, we are declaring that all North Bay streets are now to be considered a ‘No-Man’s Land,’ much like the sidewalks were last year.”

The 12 page news release includes a section for future procedures, which was just left blank.


Mayor Al McDonald is outraged.

“This is unacceptable!” railed McDonald. “They are ceasing ALL snow plow activity?! That includes plowing roads linking city council members directly to city hall. Personally, I don’t care what they do to citizens, but to mess with my roads? Unacceptable!”

While no doubt many will see this as a set back and an endangerment of the public, some locals are viewing this as an opportunity.

“With no one plowing the roads, it’s the perfect chance for us to take advantage,” says David Ryan, de facto leader of a rebel group of snow plowers titled The New Plow Order. “We’ll be going from house to house collecting some — uh, road clearance ‘donations’.”

“And that’s what it is, donations. While donations are optional, they are strongly encouraged. You get me? It’s important that you get me.”

As the snow falls, citizens can only wait and see what will happen. The Farmers Almanac predicts average temperature and above average snowfall so stock up on canned foods and prepare.

More on this story, as we work from home in fear.

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