From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
BAY – Mayor Al McDonald may be in the last term of his
reign run as Mayor, but he’s going out with a bang.
In a live press conference streamed through McDonald’s exclusive OnlyFans account, the Mayor of North Bay announced Sunday evening that he will be changing the name of the city.
“North Bay – blah!” spat McDonald. “It’s a mouthful, and because of it North Bay is constantly being mistaken for Thunder Bay! Remember that time local celebrity Sara Carson was on Letterman and Letterman associated North Bay with Thunder Bay? It hurt our stock.”
“So, to fix this – we’re simply going to be known as BAY. All capitals, no ‘the.’”
Big BAY Concerns
McDonald cited Toronto, Calgary and Sundridge as other “booming one name cities.”
But while McDonald might be excited about BAY, others have concerns.
“I’m a little worried that Al is jumping the gun with this,” posted Top Fan and City Councillor Scott Robertson in Al’s OnlyFans stream. “We are located on the NORTH Bay of Lake Nipissing… I mean, more or less north. West/North. Er, but still north. Relatively.”
Robertson also raised concerns about the cost of fixing all the North Bay signs in the city.
“Easy solution,” responded a shirtless McDonald. “We can just hire the individuals that vandalized the Kate Pace Way to spray paint over all of the ‘Norths’ in town.”
“I mean – we might also get some spray painted curse words or Thunder Bay-like hate speech on the signs too, but that’s a small price to pay for being BAY.”
50 Cent’s “Candyshop” begins to play and McDonald begins to sway.
“So say goodbye to the North, and say hey hey to the great BAY, BABY!”