Man upset with automation fistfights Wal-Mart Self-checkout

From: Darren D. MacDonald, staff

NORTH BAY — With the rise of technology comes concern from labour specialists about increasing automation in the workplace.

The arguments for automation in the workplace are multi-faceted. Automation could be the “perfect choice” to help human workers focus on more dynamic, intricate parts of any job while machines tend to more basic functions. This, in turn, would allow company productivity to expand.

But instead of exploring that, let’s report on a man who started a fistfight with a self-checkout machine.

Mixed Martial Automation

“We were called at 5 pm about an individual at Wal-Mart who was, and I quote, ‘fighting a self-checkout machine,’” says North Bay Police Sergeant Jeanette Lawrence.  

“By the time law enforcement showed up, he was on the ground with three self-checkouts on top of him. Without seeing any security footage, we assume they ganged up on him.”

Boxing The Bots

Jordan Riddler, 57, was released on bail shortly after and has taken to social media to clear his name.

“I won’t stop at self-checkouts,” reads one tweet. “I won’t stop until I fight every robot out there, from self-driving cars to coffee pots with timers!”

Elsewhere, the North Bay Wal-Mart has responded to Riddler’s assault by programming self-defence into each self-checkout.

“Every self-checkouts now knows 9 different martial arts,” explains Wal-Mart technician Richard Smalls. “So they’ll be able to defend themselves now.”

“The flails and battle axes we taped to them will probably help too.”

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