From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — In defiance of widespread and near universal opposition, a local man is still dead set on carbonating at least 500 mLs of 2% milk.
“I just want to see what it tastes like,” explains North Bay resident Eugene Hayward. “Aren’t you just a little bit curious?”
Eugene is the proud new owner of a SodaStream, which he says is “going to make all his dreams come true.”
“In one hand I have this nice new carbonating machine,” grins Hayward, “and in the other I’ve got this great big bag of very uncarbonated 2% milk.”
Eugene’s plan has been met with widespread resistance, including dissent from Eugene’s friend Jessica Hurley.
“2020 has already been so hard on us,” moans Jessica. “And you know, I… I got over the murder hornets, the race riots, the raging forest fires, heartbreaking celebrity deaths, and even the worldwide pandemic, but this…”
Jess trails off. She unconsciously begins to pull at her lower lip.
“Why? Just why? Who the actual f*#k carbonates milk?! What the actual F*#K EUGENE?!“
“CAN’T THIS GODDAMN YEAR END ALREADY?!”
More updates on Eugene’s cream dream as it carbonates.