Lumber Shortage Leads To Strong, Lewd Sign

From: Darren D. MacDonald, staff

STURGEON FALLS – The recent rise in lumber prices has this local store getting a bit too cocky with their marketing. 

“Since the start of the pandemic the price of wood has absolutely skyrocketed,” explains Bruce Jones, owner Jones’s Hardwood.  “The cost of both soft and hardwood has more than doubled compared this time last year.”

“We understand, and we realize it is hard on contractors or anyone with a wood fetish, but the soaring prices gave us a chance to quietly pile on and increase our profit margins, so… Yay us!”

SIGN of the times

Jones’s Hardwood has recently updated the sign on the side of their building from ‘We Got Your Lumber’ to ‘We Got Your Lumber So Prepare To Pay Out The Ass.’”

“Some people might be upset by the new sign,” says Jones, “but I see it as using humour to prepare people for the cost of lumber before they come in. It sort of lubes them up so our hard wood prices don’t hurt as much.”

Jones assures everyone that he understand people’s pain.

“I get it, customers these days are really bent over a barrel,” smirks Jones. “That’s right – a solid oak barrel that costs over twice as much as it did last year!”

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