The North Bay Bay

From: Darren D. MacDonald, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — The People’s Party of Canada have doubled down on their stance that man-made climate change is a hoax by publishing a new article entitled: Global Warming and Environment: Rejecting Alarmism and Focusing on Concrete Improvements.

And local PPC candidate Mark King is all for it.

“I, like you, have totally read the whole thing,” announced Mark King at a Friday morning press conference. “So I feel completely confident expanding on what was said.”

“Here’s the lowdown: global warming alarmists are all just worried housewives. CO₂ is good – that’s why we breathe it out. The trees crave it. The ice caps can’t be melting because my Pumpkin Spice Ice Cap is keeping a consistent temperature as I speak.”

“So, instead of focusing on climate change, what we really need to focus on is these ‘concrete improvements.’”

“And to me, these ‘concrete improvements’ mean one thing and one thing only: improving concrete.”

Local Reaction

Jack Stone, owner of “Stone Constructions” was brought to tears by  the announcement.

“In a world where people are relying on alternative construction materials, it feels like concrete is being pushed to the wayside,” says Stone. “But there has been advancements in concrete technology, and it’s nice to see a straight shooter like Mark King speak honestly about what needs to happen.”

The “Dankest Memes”

Mark King wants his followers to be able to easily track his quest to fund concrete improvements, so he is taking to Facebook and is embracing the internet.

“We monitor our social media,” says King, “and we’ve noticed that any attempt to have a debate or a lengthy conversation is met with ‘TL;DR.’”

“Instead, what PPC voters want are quick quotes and memes. So we’re gonna give it to them.”

Memes require minimal effort, time and thought, and the PPC has been rolling out a new series following King’s press conference.

“The PPC is only going to give you the coolest, hippest, uh—dankest memes,” shrugs King.

“So just remember: a vote for the PPC is a vote for memes and concrete: the two things on which this great dank nation was founded.”