From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — HomeSense, which is set to open its doors in North Bay on August 20th, has confirmed that its new store will be the first ever to have a “Frisky Furniture” section: an exclusive department dedicated to selling ‘risqué furnishings.’
“I can confirm that the store will have a corner dedicated to some… provocative pieces,” says Assistant Manager Sabrina Hughes. “Most of it isn’t too unusual – statues of phallic dolphins, nude bronze women, satin paintings of couples embracing. Nothing you wouldn’t see in your Uncle Steve’s house. But we will definitely have more ‘specialized’ furniture in stock for those who are feeling especially adventurous.”
The opening of a “Frisky Furniture” department in North Bay was no mistake, says Hughes.
“A recent study we conducted found that, despite its outward conservative appearance, North Bay is one of the top 10 ‘kinkiest’ cities in Ontario. So we here at HomeSense are really keen on servicing the whole city, one-by-one or all at once.”
What’s in Stock
Furniture available will include double beds with headboards “designed for restraint,” inversion tables, sawhorses, IKEA® brand Saint Andrew’s Crosses, and even a ‘like new’ Berkley Horse “for all your flogging needs.”
“Only the finest overstock and lightly used pieces will be on display.”
For the first month, each item sold will come with a complimentary bottle of disinfectant, two polishing towels, and a 88 ml vial of personal lubricant courtesy of 50 Shades of Love.
“We really wanted to partner locally to offer our sub— er, customers, the best in absolutely everything. Between our factory discounted and ‘brand spanking new’ furnishings, we’re confident everything is tied right up.”
Great Gifts for Everyone
Hughes expects that the new “Frisky Furniture” section will be perfect for anyone looking to “whip up” a gift.
“There’s bound to be something for everyone,” smiles Hughes. “Great gifts for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthdays, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Daddy’s Day and Master’s Day.”
“So come on out and see our wide selection of overstock, gently used, and off-price home furnishings for your kitchen, living room, and dungeon.”
“And just remember – at HomeSense, the safeword is ‘Savings!'”