Harris Learning Library Converted into Regulation Hockey Rink

From: Nora D. Shadsworth, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — Patrons and staff of the Harris Learning Library were taken by surprise Sunday morning when they found that most of the library’s collection had been removed, ice-making equipment had been installed, and the entire first floor of the library had been converted into an NHL-sized hockey rink.

In a hasty press conference in the lobby of the library-turned-arena, standing between the new popcorn machine and hotdog steamer, Library Representative Kathy Buch explained that the “unauthorized renovation was not planned, was not funded by Canadore College or Nipissing University” and “certainly does not adhere to existing city or provincial bylaws.”

An Impossible Renovation

Jensen Mitchells of Jensen Mitchells Architects is unsure how the unnamed vigilante arena-builders could have renovated the space overnight.

“The sheer cost and timing to complete this monumental renovation in a single night is astounding,” said Mitchells. “The effort to move the entire collection off campus, to reinforce the existing floor, and to install all that cooling and ice-making equipment in one night is a feat akin to the building of the pyramids.”

Rogue Zambonist on the Loose

Police, campus administration, and library staff are befuddled as to the identity and methods of the rogue arena builders.

In what may be a related story, Harris Learning Library employee George Stevans, 43 years old, was last seen navigating a Zamboni up Algonquin Avenue late Saturday night.

It is unclear if Stevens was the legal owner of the ice-conditioning vehicle.

“I haven’t heard from him since he left on the Zamboni,” says neighbour Jason Vanilla, “but I have never seen anyone with more joy on their face than that man had.”

Harris Weighs In

Asked to comment, former Ontario Premier Mike Harris replied “I like hockey more than education, so to me it seems like common sense to go in this direction. I tip my hat to whoever pulled this off.”

The North Bay Bay News will continue to follow this story.

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