Giant “snowcircle” outside ONR puzzles city

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY — A gigantic “snowcircle” which appeared outside the Ontario Northland Railway shop sometime Saturday evening has city officials puzzled.

“To start, I want to make clear that this was not the work of a Municipal Employee,” says Grey Terrence, North Bay’s Chair of Public Works. “There’s just no way.”

“Firstly, that thing is way too complicated for anyone on Public Works to create without an extensive and expensive study being made first. Secondly, it was Saturday and no City Employee was going to come in on their weekend off.”

Prevalent Theory

Local theories about who created the nearly 100 foot square snowcircle range from sophisticated pranksters to unusual wind patterns to packs of sophisticated geese, but local conspiracy experts Matt M. and Kayla V. have their own suspicions.

“Clearly it was aliens,” says Matt M. “Just like the crop circles found in England and throughout the world, this ‘snowcircle’ is a signal for technologically advanced extraterrestrials to come to North Bay.”

Matt’s partner, Kayla V., agrees.

“I really hope they do visit us,” says Kayla, “because we could use more tourism here.”

Waxman Weighs In

While acknowledging the “very real” possibility that the snowcircle was made by aliens, local business owner Todd Gledhill of Waxman Records says he knows exactly what the formation is supposed to be.

“That’s a record,” smiles Gledhill, “and I’d recognize it anywhere. It’s the limited, 300 pressing 1996 release of ‘Gateway to the North’ with vocals by Johnny Bourget.”

“I haven’t seen one of those in years. I bet you could play that thing from space.”

“What an absolute banger.”

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