From: Rusty “Scoops” McGraw, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — In a bold move, the organisers of the Annual Old Fashion Christmas Walk have approved replacing the traditional 40-foot Christmas tree with a 40-foot Shadfly Effigy.
The new display is reportedly made from wood, glue and the collected remnants of shadflies from this previous summer.
The Spirit of the Season
Lora Falorez spoke on behalf of the event committee.
“We wanted to go in a different direction this year,” began Falorez. “Listen, the Christmas Tree is kind of overdone at this point and we wanted to bring something out that would really embody the spirit of North Bay.”
“Christmas Tree? Boring. Santa? Give me a break. Giant shadfly that’ll be lit up in flames? Now that’s how you get people to come out to an event.”
When asked whether replacing the giant Christmas tree with a flaming shadfly might offend residents, Falorez didn’t mince words.
“Oh it’s not so bad. Get over it. There’s enough room for Santa, Baby Jesus, and Shadflies in this town.”
Anonymous Approval
An anonymous approval etched itself in burning runes just inside City Hall sometime Wednesday night. Still glowing with hideous flame, the runes read:
“This bodes well for our machinations. THE ONE BEYOND will be pleased.”
Opposition to Changes
Citizen Mark Matheson is dumbfounded by the replacement of the Christmas tree,
“This is insane, you people know that right?” This is Christmas!” yells Matheson. “I want hot chocolate, beaver tails and a fun walk downtown where I’ll see all my friends.”
Mark looks at the effigy.
“That thing is haunting, and it stinks like real shadflies. Its eyes… they follow me everywhere and they’re ever-shifting and never-stopping and it sometimes moves like there’s millions of actual living things inside it.”
Mark shudders, and so does the shadfly effigy.
Christmas Walk Activities Include:
- Vox Choice Sing-a-long: 5:00 PM
- Shadfly Effigy Burning Ceremony: 6:00 PM
- Horse and Wagon Rides: 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM
- Gallery Hop: 7:00 PM
- Light up Community Joy: 8:45 PM
- Ritual Goat Sacrifice 9:00 PM
- Fireworks Finale: 9:00 PM
- And more!