From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — Main St. is about to get a little more devilish.
158 Main St West, the former location of Pearls, has been purchased by a local group in order to open a new sect dedicated to The Church of Satan.
“I can confirm that the location has been acquired by myself and the Council of Nine,” says High Priest Seth Phenex. “We’ve begun preparing Pearls’ insides for the newest Canadian sect of the Church of Satan.”
The Church, which was founded in 1966 and has its headquarters in Hell’s Kitchen, Manhattan, is “jubilant” about opening in North Bay.
“We’re looking forward to having our first Satanic High Mass here as soon as possible,” says Phenex. “We’re also very interested in offering our program, ‘After School Satan,’ to the children of The Near North District School Board.”
Those keen on joining the Church of Satan can do so by filling out a registration statement, which costs $225. Once processed, registrants are given a lifetime membership with no annual fees, and “no soliciting or pandering” for future donations.
Community Involvement
“Like The Adversary himself, all of our members value pride, individualism, and enlightenment,” says Phenex. “There are already Satanists in North Bay, so the dream is to bring everyone together in the hopes that we can work as a unified cult.”
Community involvement is a big part of The Church of Satan.
“Like Lucifer did with his fellow angels, members are encouraged to support one another and the community. That’s why we’ve already made plans for a half-marathon in support of cancer research. We’re calling it ‘Sprinting for Satan.'”
“We’ve also reached out to the local animal shelters to see if we can find new homes for orphaned cats and dogs.”
Hoping North Bay Accepts
While Phenex says he expects “some minor discomfort” from North Bay, he hopes that the community will accept the Church “like Satan did Christ in the desert – with open eyes and a big smile.”
“There are over 20 different churches in the city,” observes Phenex. “I don’t see the harm in having one more. We’re overjoyed to be a part of North Bay as your friendly neighbourhood Satanists.”
And being a part of downtown North Bay is just the “thick red icing on an delectable angel cake”
“We’re delighted to be deep in the city’s heart. Indeed, North Bay is our oyster, but we’ve already found its Pearls.”
Oh great, another eyesore on Main Street to attract the addicts and mentally ill. Why are my taxes so high? If Merle Dickerson was mayor you can bet we wouldn’t be seeing this satanist nonsense.
don’t agree one bit.
so wrong on so many levels.
Totally discusting.. Imagine all the Joy this will bring. Good grief.
More reasons to move out of North Bay. So sad. Why is this even allowed.
Lolllll
Oh God ,Help us,,,What next .
Me and all my biker friends are looking forward to joining and proudly wearing the patch on our leather-clad backs. Hopefully all of the local businesses welcome us as valued customers.
lol half the people that want to join are poor asf.
Wow people will believe anything !!
While reading this, all I can picture is picketers outside Pearls tomorrow ????
Pride, carnality and enlightenment comes to North Bay at last!!
Freedom of speech freedom of expression
Is it a eyesore look at it from both sides and beliefs.
There are many who believe in differant gods than other
What about scientific evidence of evolution instead of god and satan
For all you know the dr that saved your live could have been a devil worshiper or a believer in god. I have a problem with religion that try’s to convince you into theirs and comes knocking at your door.
Be it God or satan or the man in the moon at least they believe. Give them a chance the country did give Trudeau a second chance and I’m sure god and satan are pissed.
As long as no one gets hurt I say let it happen.
2 Chronicles 7:14
Hail satan
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_Satan check it out then check out the official website
really thats North Bay now….. Wow
how about a police dept attach. something we need
really thats North Bay now….. Wow
how about a police dept attach. something we need its a joke
The next Hallmark movie.
I am thrilled with all the positive feedback we have been getting and am really looking forward to the grand opening!!
You are a good writer and write with satire very well. Why don’t you put your skill to accomplish something good? Amnesty needs people to writes letter, for example.
I think it’s great. I’m a BDSM teacher and I teach acceptance. What they do does not hurt anyone else. I plan to stop by and talk to them. They are part of an alternative lifestyle and it’s not on anyone to shame them for their views. It’s my hope they will join the forming cooperative of alternative people. We get enough flack from those outside the lifestyles without adding more from those who should understand and be on the same side.
I run Master Zahn’s Dom/Sub Kink School North Bay and wrote a book that I now have out to publishers on etiquette in the LS called The D/S Code.
I welcome them and hope to have many dealing with them in the future.
Three cheers to this idea! Very creative. A terrific example of embracing diversity…freedom of choice & freedom of religion. Suggestion: How about contacting retired NHL player Miroslav Šatan to inquire about him attending the “Grand Opening” ceremony? Perhaps he could cut the ribbon.
Is there someone I can contact to set up a meeting? I was just going to walk in but it us always best to set things up first.
@seth phenex