Ferris literally shrivels up and falls off

From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — The Ferris area shriveled up and fell off Friday night.

The area had lost its TD Bank branch, Urban Planet, Source, EB Games, Carlton Cards, Scotiabank, and basically anything that wasn’t either an LCBO or pot dispensary.

With no hope in sight and nothing to offer but the future construction of 30 more identical swamp land houses, the Ferris area simply turned into a giant raisin and silently dropped right off.

“I think we’ve lost something important” read City Councillor Vic Tikus from a prepared statement Monday. “I say ‘think’ because I never went there. But my wife says she’s almost positive that there was something nice down there.”

The surviving residents of the area say that Ferris began to dry up sometime around 8 pm before letting out a collective moan that could “almost be heard” on Airport.

The area at the bottom of the Lakeshore Overpass is now a huge, seemingly bottomless pit from which drift “inhuman and otherworldly cries.”

Kenalex has already announced plans for a 3 year construction project .

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