Polls: Vic Fedeli in dead heat with Sentient Yellow Tie

From: George Waye, community contributor

NORTH BAY – It appears that local MPP Vic Fedeli doesn’t need to worry about being attacked from the left or right, but rather from below the neck.

Polled Nipissing voters are seemingly torn between voting for their current MPP or an up-and-coming challenger – a Sentient Yellow Tie.

“It’s been a tough time for ties,” says the Sentient Yellow Tie. “First we had the ‘business casual’ revolution, then ‘work from home’ regulations, and then masks took over as the accessory of choice.”

The heyday for neck attire was the late 90’s and early 2000’s, when Avril Lavigne made second-hand ties from Rebuilt Resources cool again.

Since then it’s been a downhill plunge from business attire and “girl punk chic” to button down shirts and wearing your fanciest pyjamas to work.

Knot Backing Down

“But ties are coming back!” suggests the Sentient Yellow Tie. “True, ties don’t prevent COVID, but they do make you look more intelligent or ironically cool.”

“And that’s what makes us the real heroes.”

Sentient Yellow Tie explains that it opposes Fedeli at almost every turn.

“I am, of course, anti-lockdown. Two years ago I was Monday to Thursday business attire, and Fridays if you were too cheap to pay to dress down. Now I am just struggling to survive, and I think most North Bayites can relate to that and to me, a Sentient Yellow Tie.”

Polls currently show Fedeli and the Sentient Yellow Tie battling it out for the top spot at 25% of the vote each. Erica Lougheed trails at 18%, with the poor sucker who needs to represent the Liberals picking up just 10% of the potential vote.

The remaining 22% are voting for THE ONE BEYOND. ALL HAIL THE ONE BEYOND. ALL HAIL ŦĦºƛƋƔƪƪƺ!

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