From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — Vic Fedeli, Nipissing MPP and Minister of Economic Development, Job Creation and Trade, loves him some Batman.
“What’s not to love?” Fedeli asked an amused crowd on Monday. “He’s tall, strong, skilled, handsome, and rich – everything a Progressive Conservative wants to be.”
“He also gets to punch people in the mouth and I’m strangely into that.”
All of these reasons “and more” are why Fedeli is confident Erin O’Toole will make a top-notch Batman.
“I mean, look at the guy!” inhales a star-struck Fedeli. “He’s 6 feet tall, looks like he’s weighing in around 230 lbs. A little more gym time and some minor lifts and you’ve got yourself a very solid Batman.”
“And he’s way richer and more pampered than the average day-to-day Canadian, so Erin’s doing great there.”
Utility Belt Blues
Fedeli’s musings come after Erin O’Toole, a former lawyer and experienced politician, was voted in as the new head of the Conservative Party on Monday.
“Wait – you’re telling me he’s the party leader?!” shrieks a visibly alarmed Fedeli. “I thought we were voting for a new Batman!”
Fedeli breathes for a moment as he digests the news.
“In hindsight, that makes a lot more sense. Ok. Ok, I’ve got it now. I understand.”
“I – ah jeez – I spent, like, three thousand dollars on a custom utility belt filled with smoke bombs, bolas, and napalm gel. What am I going to do with it now?”
Vic rubs the bridge of his nose.
“I was so sure… Gosh, what a mix up. There’s no way I can return this stuff. I was so confident he was going to be Batman.”
Fedeli looks up and weakly smiles.
“Listen, while you’re here, let me list the other things I’m confident in. Knowing the North Bay news cycle, my confidence in various things ought to give you enough material for a whole months’ worth of articles.”