City Council declares lack of donuts an “emergency”

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY — An impromptu City Council meeting Thursday night was brought to a halt when Councillor Vic Tikus discovered that the meeting was sorely lacking donuts.

Having started the meeting with two boxes of a dozen assorted donuts, Tikus discovered that nothing was left but “two Old Fashion Plains and one crushed looking Boston Cream” about an hour into the session.

Upon making the discovery, Tikus brought forward a motion to declare a “Donut Emergency,” which was immediately seconded by Mark King.

The motion was carried, but was met with opposition from a handful of Councillors, including Mac Bain, Mayne, and Robertson.

“I think what these Councillors are saying is that the message is negative,” said Tanya Vrebosh. “But there’s a lot of positives that can come out of it: namely, that there are a bunch of us who are full of delicious donuts right now and that we might get more”

Despite the motion making North Bay the one and only Ontario city to declare a “donut emergency,” Councillor Mark King defended the move.

“This has been an ongoing issue for decades,” affirmed King. “There was never a doubt in my mind that this was going to happen. Donuts are tasty, and yummy, and feel oh so good in my tummy. We all knew this was going to happen, and I’m just happy we’re going to try to do something about it.”

“Now, if only we had a lazy, do nothing stay-at-home mom to go out and get them for us” mumbled King.

Motion Carried

The motion carried and was ratified with a vote of 8-3 in favour. Mac Bain, Mayne and Robertson were the only Councillors opposed.

Bill Vrebosh took a moment to scold those who opposed the motion.

“This lack of tasty donuts is exactly the sort of scenario where the word ‘Emergency’ should be used. I cannot think of a more appropriate time to declare an Emergency.”

“I mean, who even likes Old Fashion Plain anymore? YUCK.”

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