Dented pylon to run for mayor

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

Perry, a dented traffic pylon which has sat on the Overpass for the last three weeks, will be running for Mayor.

“I think Perry’s the perfect candidate” said a guy on Main St. “He’s bright orange and he stops people from running into things. What more do you need?”

Perry, who was manufactured in Pickering, Ontario in June of 2016, has stood strong and proud in North Bay for the last six weeks: first on Oak St., and now on the Overpass.

“He’s been around. He’s seen how traffic can get congested. He’s seen what the downtown looks like. Perry is a pylon for the people.”

Somewhere along the way someone or something ran into Perry, giving him the charming dent which separates him from the hundred of other black and orange safety markers.

But aside from being a bright orange pylon, Perry is also a scholar. Reports indicate that he spent several days inside Nipissing University, where he no doubt sat in on many a political science class. One anonymous source told us that Perry has already read every North Bay bylaw, and has been over the current 400+ page budget numerous times.

“He makes lots of notes. He’s been studying up, going non-stop. I guess you could say he’s really ‘pylon’ it on.”


Perry for Mayor

Perry has no fixed address, but The North Bay Bay learned that he always stays inside the city. What’s more, if Perry wasn’t an inanimate object made of coloured thermoplastic and rubber, he’d most certainly be paying North Bay taxes, and wouldn’t move to Callander.

“He’s local. He’s bright. He’s public. He’s a literal orange pillar and he’s got my vote. Next year, I’ll be ready to Pylon for Perry!”

Those looking for more information about Perry are asked to stop by the Overpass in North Bay and talk the local construction workers. All of them have agreed to answer questions about Perry’s upcoming political campaign and are happy to give out free “Pylon for Perry” buttons.

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