David Bowie mural comes to life at night, steals souls

From: Jennifer Hanson, thenorthbaybay.ca staff

NORTH BAY — Chad Hale says he used to have a soul.

But all that changed when the Main St. David Bowie mural stole it from him.

Just over two weeks ago, Hale says he was walking home from a friend’s place when “Bowie, just like, came out of the wall and looked at me and then I could, like, feel something just like, leaving me, man.”

Now Hale says he’s a different person.

“I used to feel things, you know?” says Hale. “I’ve been watching ‘The Green Mile’ on a loop and I feel nothing, man! Nothing! The David Bowie mural stole my soul!”

The large painting of famous musician and actor David Bowie is a recreation of a 1995 photo which shows the musician with his finger to his lips. Bowie passed away in 2016.

“Yeah, yeah, I know that,” snarls Hale. “But what I’m telling you, man, what I’m telling you is that, at night, that things steals souls, and it’ll steal yours too!”

Mural is Possessed

Hale believes the mural is possessed by the actual spirit of David Bowie, and that the musician was never really human.

“No normal man could be that handsome,” raves Hale. “He never aged! He looked good in tights! He wasn’t a man, and now that his body’s dead his soul is in the mural and it’s eating other people’s souls.”

Hale says he’s determined to get his soul back.

“Just as soon as I figure out how to get on the roof.”

Until then, Hale says he’ll stand guard so others “don’t lose their souls too.”

“I always knew there was something wrong about Bowie,” moans Hale. “The way he spun those glass balls around in ‘Labyrinth’ still makes me feel all funny inside.”

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