City Councillor demands shadflies be postponed

From: Darren D. MacDonald, staff

NORTH BAY — Anyone who has been in North Bay during the early summer knows that shadflies are a thing, and they WILL steal your dog if given the chance. But in times like these, is it safe for the tiny insects to leave the water and die in our downtown?

North Bay City Councillor Dawn Jackson believes that Al McDonald should immediately postpone the shadflies until a safer time.

“Let’s look at the facts,” begins Jackson. “Gathering of large groups is still unsafe, and the start of shadfly season is quickly approaching.”

“We aren’t ready, and I personally don’t think it’s fair that I can’t have a party but literally millions of shadflies can gather to hurl their bodies into our street lights.”

During the City Council Zoom meeting, North Bay Mayor Al McDonald addressed Jackson’s concerns.

“While I agree that we should be careful with re-opening the downtown, I don’t know how much credence I can put into the Councillor’s warnings that shadflies, if sneezed on, can carry diseases through town.”

“As to her demands that we postpone the shadfly schedule: that cannot be done by Council, as it is the exclusive purview of the Almighty Overlord Dahs Luxmor’tem, the Shadfly God.”

Searching for Sacrifices

A new user then logged onto the Zoom call and started masturbating on camera, marking the official end of the City Council Meeting.

Jackson voiced her dissatisfaction with the answer on Facebook, writing that Council “didn’t even consider trying to increase [their] yearly sacrifices to the Almighty Overlord Dahs Luxmor’tem.”

“We’ve only sacrificed two goats and a City Hall intern. We CAN and SHOULD sacrifice more in hopes of appearing Overlord Dahs Luxmor’tem into postponing shadfly season.”

As of publishing this article, Jackson has been seen around North Bay trying to recruit willing sacrifices despite repeated warnings from the police to stop.

More on the story as it unfolds.

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