North Bay shocked that Council HASN’T been freely drinking

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY — As Sudbury’s City Council looks at whether claiming alcohol as an expense is sustainable, citizens in North Bay are shocked to find out that their own City Council hasn’t already been doing the same for years.

“I’ll be honest – I just assumed they were always drunk,” says everyday citizen Mike Adamson. “Now that I know they haven’t been spending my tax dollars on alcohol, I’m deeply concerned with the Council’s conduct.”

“The renovation of Memorial Gardens alone had me positive that the whole lot of them were absolutely tanked,” continues Adamson. “And don’t even get me started on ‘Summer in the Park.'”

“I figured the $247,187 they lost last year was for a few truckloads of single malt scotch and a case or two of some newfangled ‘craft beer’ with blueberries in it or something.”

“This revelation has shaken me to my very core.”

“Not Sober Decisions”

Fellow North Bayite Yvonne Lee agrees with Adamson.

“Failing to declare a Climate Emergency and circumventing the Endangered Species Act are clearly not sober decisions,” says Lee. “They must have been drinking. They must have. Because if they weren’t…”

Lee’s face goes slack and her mouth fishes open and closed for a few moments before she regains her composure.

“You’re– you’re telling me… that Mark King has been sober this whole time?!

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