City unveils “Drive on the Sidewalks” campaign

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY — Following an unsuccessful campaign aimed at encouraging bicyclists to ride on city streets, the North Bay Police have launched a new campaign asking motorists to drive on the sidewalks.

“We tried to play it nice,” says Sergeant Jeanette Lawrence. “We asked bicyclists to stay off the sidewalks or face a $65 fine. But after absolutely no enforcement, we’ve had to declare the operation a failure.”

“Bicyclists are refusing to stay on our roads, and are opting instead to ride on pedestrian footpaths whenever they feel the road is ‘unsafe.’ These judgement calls are not supported by North Bay Police Services and are not, therefore, legal.”

“So, as of August 1st, all North Bay motorists are encouraged to take their vehicles up onto the sidewalk.”

The campaign, entitled “Drive on the Sidewalks,” allows all North Bay drivers with a valid G level license to veer off the road and run down any cyclists they see on the sidewalk.

Not only will the driver be immune from any criminal charges, but they will also be given a $50 City of North Bay Tax Credit for each bicyclist removed.

Immediate Support

The “Drive on the Sidewalks” campaign found early support from North Bayites like Jordan Cummings.

“I leave my house with exactly enough time to get to where I am going,” says Cummings. “If anything slows me down – unexpected construction, a garbage truck, a cyclist – I absolutely lose it.”

“So yeah, I’m 100% on board for running these bikers over. Eradicating every last North Bay bicyclist is the first step to reclaiming our roads for the cars.”

Cummings leans back, cracks his neck, and smiles.

“And once the bikes are out of the way, we can finally get working on the real problem: school buses.”

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