City to build new arena on Airport

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY – City Council declared today that it would be building a replacement for the aging West Ferris arena on Airport.

“It just made the most sense,” said Counsellor Dalton Sheegan. “The Airport area is in dire need of some stimulus. There’s not much up here, and Ferris just has so much.”

The new arena will be twice the size of the last one, and will include a full automated catering system, which will eliminate the need for employees of any kind.

“No one wants to cook hotdogs, anyway,” Councillor Sheegan declared. “Besides, it’s just a few jobs. We’ll be employing so many out of town construction workers it’ll balance out anyway.”

Upon hearing the news, those currently living in the Airport area expressed concern about the building taking over viable and valuable space, but Sheegan assured them.

“Not to worry. There’s a park here that nobody cares about.” Sheegan said, checking his phone. “Yeah, right here – Lookout Park. Ha ha, well look out park, ’cause we’re going pave you over!”

The new building will “only cost 19 million,” and construction is set to begin next spring. Bidding on the contract will open in early December.

“It’s going to make some Toronto-based company’s Christmas just that much better.”

Opening Questions

The park is slated to open in the spring of 2019, but Councillor Sheegan warned it might be a bit later.

“Let’s be honest, this contract is going to the lowest bidder who has zero stake in North Bay. The arena probably isn’t going to open until 2021. But I’m not worried – I’ll be long gone by then.”

Where will Councillor Sheegan go?

“I’ve got some relatives down south who are in the, uh… well, they build things. They, um… Listen – no more questions.”

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