City Council announces wrestling show

From: Philip St. George, staff

NORTH BAY — Seeing Sheldon Forgette step into the ring has inspired Mayor Al McDonald.

“I’ve thought about wrestling for years,” says McDonald. “Every time someone has challenged our parking bylaws, I’ve been thinking ‘I wish I could drop an elbow on this guy.’ But I never thought I’d get to live out my dream until now.”

Pulling off a pair of tear-away pants to reveal tight blue shorts, McDonald drops into a low growl and rasps:

“So I hope you’re prepared North Bay, because Big Al is going to BRING THE BIG AL PAIN!”

“North Bay City Hell”

The aforementioned pain is expected appear at Northbrand Wrestling’s August 25th “North Bay City Hell” show, which will feature an all-star fight card.

Several other City Councillors have also thrown their hats into the ring: Mike Anthony, Dann Jarris, Daryl Vaillancour, Mac “The Brain” Bain, Chris “Mayne Man” Mayne and Derek “Ronin” Shogren have all agreed to join the show’s card for a six-way Tornado Tag-Team match.

Elsewhere, Tanya Vrebosh will mix it up with George Maroosis in a contest to see who will take the blame for next year’s winter maintenance shortcomings.

The Northbrand Wrestling Heavyweight Championship will be decided later in the evening when former Deputy Mayor Sean “The King” Lawlor takes on Mark “The Once and Future” King in a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match.

“Sean’s been out of council for a long time,” says Mark King. “He probably doesn’t even remember what a table or chair even looks like. But he will, once I drive his CANDY ASS through a table and introduce him to my FAVOURITE STEEL CHAIR!”

“KING! KING! KING! KING!” chants the Councillor, his purple silk robes flowing behind him.

McDonald in Main Event

The Main Event will feature Mayor Al McDonald facing off against North Bay Police Chief Shawn Devine in a now perfectly safe Steel Cage Match.

“If Shawn wants more funding for the police, he’s gonna have to earn it the ol’ fashion way!” yells a spandex-clad McDonald. “But I’m telling you now, brother, that the only thing that’s gonna win Shawn that match is a little ‘Devine’ intervention, and that JUST AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!”

McDonald then proceeded to tear his shirt off, eat two Slim-Jims, and pose for multiple pictures.

Special guest appearance are expected from Shad Man, The Seagull King, and a person who met Jerry O’Connell once and is a big fan.

Tickets go on sale July 4th at City Hall, with all proceeds going to Council for the purchase of new tables and chairs.

“We’re gonna need them,” says Mark King. “We’re gonna need them REAL bad.”

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