The City Council Nerf Gun Massacre

From: Darren D. MacDonald, staff

NORTH BAY — Tragedy struck Tuesday night when City Hall was transformed into a war zone as an effort to make City Council meetings less stressful backfired.

Last week, Councillor Scott Robertson suggested using Nerf Guns to lighten the mood in City Council, though Al McDonald opposed the idea, citing time wasted finding all the fired darts.

Councillor Dave Mendicino, prior to the meeting, was on board with the approach.

“I just want people to be positive and to get rid of any negative feelings, said Mendicino. “It’s a nonaggressive way to get rid of any pent up violent outbursts.”

The War

City Council began its meeting at 7:30pm on November 19th and within minutes it was an all-out war. In a struggle to maintain the outburst, security secured City Council doors, locking 7 civilians inside during the madness.

“It was madness!” says Joseph Smart, a lucky civilian that escaped. “Al McDonald welcomed everyone to the meeting and right then and there, darts started to fly.”

According to the UrTV broadcast recording, Chris Mayne was the first to fire a shot, but it’s not clear who he was aiming for.

Scott Robertson sacrificed himself in a noble display, prying open the locked doors with his bare hands. He then used his Nerf dart riddled body to give civilians enough time to run away.

The chaos then spread to the rest of City Hall with the council members making alliances and truces to conspire against the rest. Al McDonald retreated to his office and held down that level of City Hall.

The Brousseau/Vrebosch connection turned the City Council chambers into their camp. Marcus Tignanelli went rogue and immediately disappeared into the venting system.

The Police Show Up

The night came to a close when the North Bay Police showed up with Nerf Guns of their own. They swept each floor, taking down any Council member that didn’t willingly surrender.

“All Council members were apprehended and all Nerf Guns were taken away,” says North Bay Police Sergeant Jeanette Lawrence. “Except ‘Madman’ Marcus Tignanelli, who we believe is still roaming around the City Hall venting system, waiting for the perfect time to strike.”

“No charges will be laid, except against Councillor Mendicino, who was found on the 4th floor strangling Councillor Terrence. He will be arrested and tried with attempted murder.”

To this day, some say if you are in City Hall and you are very quiet, you can still hear ‘Madman’ Marcus Tignanelli scurrying in the venting system and plotting his revenge.

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