City Council Introduces a “Creative Accounting Department”

From: Marie Cleroux, contributor

NORTH BAY — With more and more of Ontario opening up, the reality of a tight budget is hitting everyone.  No one knows this more than City Hall, who had to lay off workers near the start of the pandemic.

In response to Ontario’s slow reopening and local budgetary restraints, Mayor Al McDonald has announced the newest branch of City Hall: The Creative Accounting Department.

“We’ve been asking the people of North Bay for YEARS what they want to see and the people answered loud and clear: creativity,” announced North Bay Mayor Al McDonald in an exclusive press conference streamed live from his OnlyFans account. “And what is more creative than accounting?”

McDonald then acknowledged a $50 tip from a user by the name of BigRichard69 and proceeded to undo the top button of his shirt.

Back in Black

The City of North Bay hopes that the introduction of the department will give the illusion of freed up money. 

“Look – it’s just all numbers,” explains Head of Creative Accounting, Wanda O’Grady. “Who cares if we move some money around?”

“Take $100 here, put $200 there.  Money is a social construct, so it literally means nothing if we Moose COOKhouse the books – if you catch my drift. If we Heather’s FUDGE the numbers – if you know what I mean.  I guess what I’m really trying to say is we’re going to Cecil’s Eatery and Beer Society a whole #*%&kton of stuff and then hope for the best.”

As North Bay tries to get back to business as usual, City Hall hopes that the Creative Accounting Department will keep the city out of the red and well into the black for years to come.

“Speaking of black, you’ll never guess what I’m wearing under this shirt,” winks Al McDonald. “But you can find out by following my OnlyFans account for just $8.99 a month!”

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