From: Philip St. George, thenorthbaybay.ca staff
NORTH BAY — Hard on the heels of a ban on the fake snow used by film productions, City Council announced Thursday morning that it would be banning all snow in the city.
“That’s right – it is now illegal to have snow in North Bay,” says City Councillor Vic Tikus. “Anyone caught with snow on their lawn, on their vehicle, or in their possession will be fined.”
With “possession of snow” officially a punishable offense, citizens are encouraged to take all the steps necessary to avoid being found with the white stuff.
“Melt it down if you can,” says Tikus. “Stock up on space heaters and extension cords. Do whatever it takes to keep snow off your lawns, houses, cars and coats.”
“You’d be surprised at just how easy it is to build a homemade flamethrower for under $100.”
While Tikus says the decision may baffle some North Bayites, he wishes to assure citizens that it was made for all the right reasons.
“It was purely an environmental decision,” explains Tikus. “Snow is awful for the environment.”
“Every time the snow comes, it covers up all the trash and litter on the streets. Then when it melts a lot of that garbage gets washed directly into Lake Nipissing, which is bad for the fish.”
“I mean, I guess you could argue that we shouldn’t litter in the first place, but if I can’t throw my garbage wherever I want, then really – what’s the point?”
With less snow to deal with in the city, Council expects that road maintenance costs will decrease.
“With the city banning snow, we’ll easily save over $1 million a year in plowing and sanding” explains Tikus.
So what will North Bay do with all the extra money?
“Let’s just say that you’d be surprised at just how easy it is to build 10 000 homemade flamethrowers for under $1 million.”