City adds 20 foot “re-opening” doors to Gateway Arch

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

The City of North Bay is ready for Stage 2 of Ontario’s reopening strategy.

A jubilant Mayor McDonald announced the completed construction of two gigantic “re-opening” doors which have been built into the City’s Gateway Arch.

“These doors are a monument to the community, frontline workers, and essential employees that brought us through COVID-19.”

The 20 foot oak doors are set to swing open Friday morning at 11am.

Councillor Concerns

While the doors are “simply a symbol” for North Bay’s economic re-opening, some raised concerns during City Council’s weekly Zoom meeting.

Inexplicably shirtless and reclining, Councillor Scott Robertson warned Council that “the virus, uh, finds a way” to spread.

“Your, uh, carpenters were so preoccupied with whether they could,” stuttered a surprisingly tan Robertson. “They, uh, didn’t stop to think if they should.”

McDonald Responds

Mayor McDonald dismissed the concerns.

“You see this here?”

McDonald holds up a cane topped with what appears to be a shadfly in glass.

“There’s a shadfly in there. Trapped for millions of years in amber. Well, we all know what that’s like now – being trapped for so long.”

McDonald leans back and sips some iced tea.

“These doors symbolize the City’s re-opening, and I have every confidence that North Bay will grow and thrive in this new world.”

“After all, we spared no expense. Also, taxes are going up 12%.”

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