Canadore changes slogan to “Just Sweep It Under the Rug”

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

NORTH BAY — Canadore College is looking to a “brighter, happier” future.

Ken Garrett, Head of Canadore’s Public Relations, announced the College would be changharassing its official slogan from “Great Things Happen Here” to “Just Sweep It Under the Rug” to fit with the College’s new, “more carefree,” focus on education.

“Canadore College stands for three things,” says Garrett. “Honesty, integrity, and a downright jovial, breezy attitude towards the discomfort and distress of others.”

The slogan change comes at a turbulent time for Canadore, as the College has recently been rocked by several allegations of misconduct.

“I want to stress that this decision has absolutely nothing to do with the 50 or so sexual harassment and discrimination allegations launched against the senior administration in the past few weeks,” says Garrett. “It’s more of a re-branding: a move towards a happier College experience in which boys and men can have fun without fear of repercussions for silly, meaningless mistakes.”

Consider Canadore

The announcement follows hard on the heels of the College’s recent decision to ban all women from its campus.

“Just another thing to sweep under the rug” smiles Garrett. “See how easy it is? Besides, we hired an independent investigator to solve all that for us. And we are positive that the independent investigator, hired by us, paid by us, and reporting directly to the Canadore executives and nobody else, will find that Canadore has done absolutely nothing wrong, ever.”

“So boys, when you’re looking for a college to come to, I urge you to consider Canadore.”

“Put in four years, rub elbows with the right men, and you too can make 100K a year, harass the hell out of women, and not only stay employed, paid, and present during any possible investigation, but probably get away with it too.”

“Personally, I’m glad we went with ‘Just Sweep It Under the Rug,'” smiles Garrett. “‘Women – Take It and Shut Up’ just didn’t roll off the tongue in quite the same way.”

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