Canadore gives up, bans all women from campus

From: Jennifer Hanson, staff

NORTH BAY — Following allegations of sexual harassment, misconduct, bullying, and gender discrimination, Canadore College has decided to ban all women from its campus.

The ban will take effect April 2nd, with all current female employees being terminated and all female students being removed from their programs.

“We have seen some serious allegations brought against the college,” says Ken Garrett, Head of Canadore’s Public Relations. “And after a lengthy discussion between myself, the President, and the senior Canadore administrators we have decided to ban all women from Canadore.”

Current female employees will be paid “an extra two weeks of wages” and all female students will have “that last part of their tuition” refunded.

“It’s going to cost Canadore a lot of money,” says Garrett. “Almost as much as what George Burton makes in a year. But it’ll be worth it to not have to worry about these claims anymore.”

“Plus, twice as many bathrooms for us guys!”

No Third Party Investigation

Garrett realizes that some will be upset with the College’s decision not to get a third party investigation into the claims.

“I know that we could ask for a reputable independent third party to come investigate and make its findings public, but we don’t want that. It’s not that we think they’d find anything. It’s just… we don’t want that.”

Garrett says that he “hopes the women are happy” about the ban, and insists there was never any harassment at the college.

“These girls keep talking about an ‘Old Boys Club’ up here at Canadore,” breathes Garrett. “Well, guess what? Now it’s an ‘All Boys Club.’ No more women. Not now. Not ever. Just men between the ages of 18 and 65, like the YMCA before they got all soft an inclusive.”

“Though I will miss Trudy’s pencil skirts and blouses. My God, the buns on that girl!”

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